Alright – my personal opinion is that there’s generally only three types of people who are in LA. There are the ones who have made it, the ones who are desperate to make it, and the ones who are curious to see the ones who have made it. Obviously, as i am neither a Hollywood star, nor have any ambition to become one (also, my facial expression range starts at blank, and ends at sarcastic), I fall into the third category.

Entering LA, I was intrigued. I envisaged a parade of platinum blonde twenty somethings botoxed up to the nines, tottering around in their Jimmy Choos, accessorised by their token poodle-chihuahua cross breed (Poo-huahuas..?). Also, I expected them all to pretty much look as if they’ve all been Tango’ed.

At this point, I may be expected to remark that no, I didnt find this at all, but instead found Los Angeles to be full of intelligent, thoughtful hippies who smoke pot in the daytime and read Proust in the evenings. (Heh.)

Well half of that may be true, but it wasn’t the soullessness of the people but of the surroundings that struck me. Character, colour, personality – so abundant in Hollywood movies, so severely, painfully lacking in Hollywood.

LA cityscape: Yeah, not much to write home about.

There is absolutely no way for its residents to navigate without a car – and if possible, a huge monster truck or 4 wheel drive equivalent. The buildings are – by and large, plain, sprawling, and utterly without charm. No mistake about it, LA is all about the (show)business – no time for faffing about with history, architecture and culture (leave that to the poncey lot up in San Francisco – more on that later), unless you count Grauman’s Chinese Theatre of course.

Grauman’s Chinese Theatre: As cultural as it gets in LA.

Further west, Venice Beach and Santa Monica were definite improvements to the scenery. With lofty palm trees and Bubba Gump boardwalks, providing a veil of charm over an area which really needed it quite badly – it very much felt like a surreal venture into a GTA video game. I could see why these areas were probably havens amongst Los Angelans who craved some sea, sand, and steroid induced six packs. It was along this way that i got a bit peckish (no pun intended) and began my American culinary adventures with a quite caloriffic hot dog, at a stall situated disturbingly in between several medical marijuana shops.

Venice Beach – big muscles, small… sausages.

I will readily admit however, that I’m glad I had “been there, done that”.I plodded along the Walk of Fame on Hollywood Boulevard, I peered at the celebrity hand and footprints of years gone by at Graumans, I clambered up to the vista point to gape and take touristy photos near*the big Hollywood sign. These are all representations of the shameless Celebrity adoration that makes LA what it is, and what makes it just great blog-fodder. And yet I quite shamelessly embarked and embraced upon all this, because a) I wanted to, and could and b) cos once I did, I could also talk or blog about it with some credence.

*Yes, this is construed as ‘near’. You’d be surprised at how far we had to go, just to get THIS close to the sign.

 

In the end though, Los Angeles is pretty much as sterile as a neutered monkey who still convincingly postures as the alpha male – there’s not much going on beneath the surface, but there doesn’t need to be. Los Angeles piqued my interest insofar that its blatent superficiality is what shapes the city and makes it function – and why people are intrigued by, and accept it for what it is.

Next stop…Santa Barbara!